"You can make friends with people by shaking their hands."

Hello friends,

Well, I assume you are my friends. Because at some point in our interactions, we have shaken hands, right?

This week is orientation week and I've been attending international student sessions. Many of these sessions are labeled "COMPULSORY" on the schedule. The thing is, you don't sign in and nobody's quizzing you later on about the information covered. I'm starting to wonder if "compulsory" in Australia means something very different than in the U.S. Like "compulsory if you can make it" and "no drama if you don't."

I attended a COMPULSORY international student welcome yesterday morning. I woke up very early (well, for me) in order to get to school by the 8:30 am start time. Arriving at the building, another fellow and I were engulfed in the swarms of people standing outside. Finally around 8:40 someone opened the auditorium and we flooded inside--air con! After finding seats, we waited. And waited. Around 9:00 someone announced "We'll be starting at 9:30." Seriously? I could have gotten some more sleep. Does this mean my 7 pm classes don't really start until 8 pm?

The session finally got underway and I felt like a little kid at an assembly. Lots of people were introduced and lots of talking ensued, most of which I did not understand. Yes, I speak English.

Here's what I learned at the session:
1) You can shake hands with people to make friends with them.
2) There are 669 Chinese students at University of Queensland and 369 U.S. students.
3) Mumbling Australians with faulty PA systems are generally not effective at communicating information to an auditorium full of international students.

Lest I sound like an ingrate, I did gather practical information from my "Safety Down Under" session today. Here we learned about all the stuff that can kill you in Australia--from drunken Aussies to spiders, snakes, jellyfish, and sharks. We were warned about the birds here that will swoop down and pull tufts of hair out of people's heads. The speaker suggested putting your "sunnies" (sunglasses) on the back of your head so the bird will think you are looking at them. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. Still trying to get the hang of Australian humor. (On a side note, another fellow decided that my new Australian nickname should be "Sunnie." Great--I mean AWESOME! as they say here all the time). We were also taught that if we are in danger, we should SCREAM! Personally I find pepper spray to be much more effective, but apparently it is illegal here.

After the session I went to look at a double bed base and discovered these "when nature attacks" stories were chillingly commonplace. The person selling the bed told me that he was moving furniture last year in Brisbane and got bit by something, on his foot. Pretty soon his toe turned black and things went downhill from there. He almost lost his leg.

So the moral of the story is--if you see a spider, SCREAM!

Howdy from Down Under

Howdy mates!

I've been in Australia for almost a week now! I've been busy recovering from jet lag, trying not to drool on myself, and searching for an apartment--all at the same time. Multi-tasking.

Thus far I am loving the warm weather. Sorry, Kansas. I'm in shorts and a tank top as we speak. I feel somewhat malicious writing that...

While I'd like to offer a grand opening post, I'm afraid you'll have to deal with a bulleted list of observations. Look, I'm already developing laid back habits...oh well. No drama.

• The Australian accent has started sounding "normal" to me. This means I can actually understand what people are saying about 80% of the time. The rest of the time I'm baffled by completely unfamiliar terms and phrases like "ranga" (red-head, comes from orangutan), "no drama" (no worries), "boot" (car trunk), and "arvo" (afternoon). I'm constantly asking for translation. And I speak English.
  
• I've learned one basic rule of Aussie grammar: drop the ending and add "y." So breakfast is "brekky." Chicken parmigiana is "chicken parmy." Kindergarten is "kindy." This is not just spoken--this is actually written on signs. My spell checker is freaking out right now.
  
• Burger King is "Hungry Jack's" here. I had an Aussie burger from there the other day. It was basically a Whopper with beetroot (pickled beets) and a fried egg. Try this at your next barbie (barbecue)!
  
• There is white coffee, flat coffee, and all sorts of other crazy coffees I've never heard of in my java history. The other day I asked for an iced black coffee with no sugar and milk. The cashier looked baffled and a long discussion ensued regarding just what exactly I was going to drink. Thankfully a helpful Canadian worked there and was able to get it sorted. (See, that's another Aussie phrase...)
• I have become a shiny person. No, I'm not talking about my positive personality and happy outlook--I'm talking about the oil field formally known as my face. This is what happens when you are pale in a country with no ozone left.
  
• The ants here bite. They like fleshy bums. They do not like when fleshy bums sit on their ant trails. Their bites burn. Get the picture?
• I have managed to secure a room in a flat (apartment) that was not flooded, cockroach infested, moldy, or generally creepy. I also learned that one should not refer to someone as a "roommate," as that implies sharing a bed and/or bedroom. That explains why I got so many responses to my roommate queries...
• I have already been quizzed about Dorothy's status and her red shoes. My clever response is, "Oh, Dorothy whinges (complains) a lot. And Toto has fleas. I got tired of them and stole her red shoes. And I ended up here in the other Oz." (Those of you who saw my feet my last few nights in Manhattan know there is truth to the shoe story).
  
• I have not heard one person say "G'day mate!" in the course of a week. Before I left Kansas I was joking around with friend who had been in Australia, repeating the phrase with a jolly accent. They looked at me with a straight face and said, "Don't ever say that to an Australian. Ever." So, happily I have been spared the embarrassment.

So on that note, I'm going to wish you all g'day...er, cheers!

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